Day Sixteen:
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So I know today's blog was meant to expand on the concept of a gender spectrum, but what can I say, I'm tired, I'm lazy, and a little bit hung up.
So, today I bring you the guide to finding the perfect "Wingman".
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I have a friend (quite determined that she should merit a mention in this blog), who believes that meddling in other peoples sex lives can only lead to disaster. This is a theory I thoroughly disagree with, when the meddling is of the prescribed kind, a carefully thought out ploy to help a friend in need never goes astray.
Lets start with the criteria necessary for a good wingman;
-Not considerably more or less attractive than you, IF you plan on taking them out with you (wing men can act in many ways as you will see).
-LOYAL; you have to be sure this person will never steal the girl/guy you are after, it tends to help if you have distinctly different types.
-Good at talking, being smart and manipulative are always a bonus as well.
-Forgiving, when you drink to much, throw up on their shoes, sob on their shoulder, your wing man needs to be willing to patch things up and not hold it against you.
Lets start with the roles of a wing man;
1. RESEARCH: we're talking possible relationship here not one night stand, in this case it is your wing man's job to subtly ask around, google and generally read up on your potential love interest. So that you find out about that Harry Potter fetish, STI or psychotic boyfriend before you take your clothes off.
2. FOUNDATIONS & GROUND WORK:
I have split this into two categories:
Clubs & Bars (one night stand):
-Your wingman must know your type, and scout out potentials (this can also be considered research, along with talking to his/her friends)
-Wingmen are their to make you look shy and sincere, they can start a conversation, invite her/him and their friends over to dance with you, or if they're particularly skilled the head-tilt is always a useful tool.
The head tilt consists of 3 easy steps for the wing man: make eye contact, smile, and then simultaneously raise eye brows and tilt chin upward-wards in the direction you, indicating your interest. The smile must never be to suggestive however or they may assume you and your wingman are a couple.
-Distracting and occupying a girl/guys friends is also vital, and sometimes even necessitates your wingman taking one for the team and dancing/hooking up with someone not even vaguely their type.
Potential Relationships:
Potential relationships are a much trickier task for a wingman.
Their is a range of things over time that a wing man can do to catalyze the process:
-A wingman should be able to use their eyes alone to tell everyone in a room that you and your potential love interest are off limits. This is vital.
-Talking you up; a wing man should always steer conversations with your love interest toward you, and always turn your flaws into features while still making you seem human.
-Alone time can always be engineered in a social situation if your wingman is a good actor, it is their job to think of reasons why you and your love interest may need to "go outside" to "get some air" because it looks much less suspicious this way.
-Social networking via your wingman with the love interests friends is a fail safe way of gaining "friend approved status", facebook is your friend, but don't over do it.
3. CLOSING THE DEAL
Your wingman needs to be ready with a cab and willing to make their own way home. They need to be able to smile and console themselves with her/his less attractive friends and always carry spare condoms. They call you the next morning with pestering questions of how it went, and be willing to pick you up from some strange house on the other side of town.
They are an amazing friend, and you owe them.
Hope you all learned something, and got a laugh out of this,
Till next time, live fast and play hard kids,
-Z
11 comments:
Wow i am the perfect wingman! =3 This explains so much...
I've never heard any of this sort of thing before... this is what happens to me at parties:
"So do you like (insert indie band)?
Me:"Is that a kind of soap?"
"(someone quotes the simpsons).
Me: "Why's that guy putting on funny voices?"
why not another movie reference... "TOP GUN" shows the importance of a wing man to achieve a goal... ie, not getting blown into tiny bits... or to really tie it to what you said.... 'so that you get blown' into tiny bits... can i get a *zing* anyone?
I like this list because I can see multiple ways in which I'm both a good and bad wingman. However, I do also think that a LOT of this list can be taken up by your girl group as a whole. The wingman is a very male idea- two guys (or Zara and I, as it were) go out and mutually assist is hooking up. A great way that you can work this is with the Game (supposedly. If you suck at the Game you just look like a retard, trust me).
However! Wingman behaviour is much more successful when originating from your group of lady friends. Because a group of girls is like 10x more manipulative and curious. We WANT you to hook up, we WANT you to gossip about it afterwards and we all really really do believe that you're a ten. And there's, like, a group of people all working for you! : O 2 is better than 1, after all. Amaze-balls.
Plus, a group of girls will hurt the ass hole that turned you down so much better than just one scrawny fruit fly...
^_^ x, Danni
Jonathan- Your comments make me laugh consistently... which is why I tag you, clearly need a better wing man, because the above advice does/has worked for me... A LOT. But Astronomy is definitely an interesting approach to picking up girls...! Who needs a wingman when you have the milky way?
Darcy- ZING
Dani- Mostly you're a great wingman because you're a great friend, just having someone to talk things over with, rationalize and gather my thoughts, and fix my drunk text grammar is awesome ♥ ps. sorry I'm such a bad wingman sometimes lol.
firstly. your friend the one that mentioned that meddling in peoples sex lives was a no go zone, is quite wise and really should have be given credit, by having her name mentioned in your blog. :D
i would like to say in opposition to the concept of the wing man that, only to a small extent can someone elses best intentions remain positive, honestly i think that peoples relationships are a totally private dynamic, and should be left between them. other people talking about and interacting with something that they can never really understand (because they are not in the relationship) can mean things become (more) complicated. A false set of ideas and expectations about peoples relationships forms separate from the reality, and can conversely make pressures on people that may not have needed to exist.
moreover, its a bit rough to expect a good friend to feel obliged to act in such a manner, that is to sacrifice the possibility of them having a good night, to make sure their friend does. i dont think i could ever feel justified in expecting a friend to feel that they need to act as such. between friends the most that can be expected must just be a level a civility, respect and politeness. and then sometimes people are too drunk to even do that, but we forgive them because they are our friends not our faux-employees.
any how. thats how i feel on something that i no i disagree with a lot of people about, and i can see your points, and that the concept is somewhat satirical, and that the whole thing is supposed to be reciprocal. but yer, sometimes i think people should just butt out...
Fair enough, sometimes it IS no one else's business, and how you work things out is completely private. I think that wingman-ing, however, is really only used when you first meet someone, so that you can gauge their personality and not make a shallow decision about looks (at least, that's what I would use wingmen for). At first, when you don't know someone, having support can raise your confidence enough to take the next step. After that, yeah, not really their business any more.
It's not such a static thing as Zara makes it out to be, anyway. The "wingman" is really just someone that you go out with so that you're not alone, and if you need an escape route you can crash at theirs. I really don't think anyone other than Barney Stinson takes wingman-ing as far as this. ; P
es the lines of friendship and wingmanship must be fluid i suppose. though personally i would only ever want a friend to act like that if i asked them. and even then i sometimes i regret involving them.
Barney: 'so have you met Ted ;) ? ' genius.
My favourite Barney pick up is where he IS Ted. From the scuba suit episode.
Yeah, well, someone can't just decide to be your wingman! Permission MUST be given. I completely agree about regretting it later, too. Sometimes you don't WANT to give reports back, or listen to their assessments of the people you like, or even really talk about your hookups at all. Sometimes the beauty is that no one knows.
to address your points thematically Emma...
How can relationships remain a private dynamic in a society that functions on the basis of community and interactive? In a society with such varied conventions on sex and sexuality a relationship has wide and vary effects on the family and friends of an individual, along with anyone with whom they associate on a regular basis.
I agree that at time discussing elements of a relationship or "love interest" per say can cause emotions to polarize distorting reality or creating false hope, but this can also work in reverse, a good wingman shouldn't always be an optimist. They should also tell you that she really isn't going to call, he did stand you up, and you have to live with it.
Dani also makes a good point about self confidence. For someone lacking in experience or unsure of themselves, the support of a friend can allow them to really be themselves and show off their best virtues and not their worst.
Wingmanship is always intended to be a reciprocal act. I disagree that it is "rough" to expect a friend to make sacrifices for a few reasons; one because that is what being a good friend is about, but also because for many people helping others actually makes them feel good and gives them a sense of worth. For me, helping a friend, is a way of showing that I care about them, and that I want them to be happy. It is not something I do in the belief that they will one day return the favor.
And Dani, a secret always becomes more fun when more people know it exists.
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