A Guide to the Perfect Wingman

Day Sixteen:

So I know today's blog was meant to expand on the concept of a gender spectrum, but what can I say, I'm tired, I'm lazy, and a little bit hung up. 

So, today I bring you the guide to finding the perfect "Wingman".

I have a friend (quite determined that she should merit a mention in this blog), who believes that meddling in other peoples sex lives can only lead to disaster. This is a theory I thoroughly disagree with, when the meddling is of the prescribed kind, a carefully thought out ploy to help a friend in need never goes astray. 

Lets start with the criteria necessary for a good wingman;

-Not considerably more or less attractive than you, IF you plan on taking them out with you (wing men can act in many ways as you will see). 

-LOYAL; you have to be sure this person will never steal the girl/guy you are after, it tends to help if you have distinctly different types.

-Good at talking, being smart and manipulative are always a bonus as well. 

-Forgiving, when you drink to much, throw up on their shoes, sob on their shoulder, your wing man needs to be willing to patch things up and not hold it against you.

Lets start with the roles of a wing man;

1. RESEARCH: we're talking possible relationship here not one night stand, in this case it is your wing man's job to subtly ask around, google and generally read up on your potential love interest. So that you find out about that Harry Potter fetish, STI or psychotic boyfriend before you take your clothes off.

2. FOUNDATIONS & GROUND WORK:

I have split this into two categories:

Clubs & Bars (one night stand):

-Your wingman must know your type, and scout out potentials (this can also be considered research, along with talking to his/her friends)

-Wingmen are their to make you look shy and sincere, they can start a conversation, invite her/him and their friends over to dance with you, or if they're particularly skilled the head-tilt is always a useful tool.

The head tilt consists of 3 easy steps for the wing man: make eye contact, smile, and then simultaneously raise eye brows and tilt chin upward-wards in the direction you, indicating your interest. The smile must never be to suggestive however or they may assume you and your wingman are a couple.

-Distracting and occupying a girl/guys friends is also vital, and sometimes even necessitates  your wingman taking one for the team and dancing/hooking up with someone not even vaguely their type.  

Potential Relationships:

Potential relationships are a much trickier task for a wingman. 

Their is a range of things over time that a wing man can do to catalyze the process:

-A wingman should be able to use their eyes alone to tell everyone in a room that you and your potential love interest are off limits. This is vital. 

-Talking you up; a wing man should always steer conversations with your love interest toward you, and always turn your flaws into features while still making you seem human. 

-Alone time can always be engineered in a social situation if your wingman is a good actor, it is their job to think of reasons why you and your love interest may need to "go outside" to "get some air" because it looks much less suspicious this way. 

-Social networking via your wingman with the love interests friends is a fail safe way of gaining "friend approved status", facebook is your friend, but don't over do it.

3. CLOSING THE DEAL

Your wingman needs to be ready with a cab and willing to make their own way home. They need to be able to smile and console themselves with her/his less attractive friends and always carry spare condoms. They call you the next morning with pestering questions of how it went, and be willing to pick you up from some strange house on the other side of town. 

They are an amazing friend, and you owe them. 

Hope you all learned something, and got a laugh out of this,

Till next time, live fast and play hard kids,

-Z 

Questions on Gender

Day Fourteen:

Tonight I racked my brains for a long time about to what to write about in my tired state of mind and decided, whilst musing to muse that I would write about Gender, now I've done some reading but as always opinion will be a rampant element of my writing so correct me if my facts are at all askew. 

Lets start with the authoritative definition of the good ol' oxford dictionary, its a starting point at least... 

"the state of being male or female (typically used with reference to social and cultural differences rather than biological ones) "

I like that... its better than expected (though far from ideal), I like that it has been considered that not only are some biological factors changeable (i.e genitalia) but that gender in it self is a societal or cultural construct.

It will always be argued that chromosomes are the be all and the end all when it comes to gender. There's only two combinations right?

xx and you're female, xy and you're male.

Well lets stop right there. Because there's a few exceptions to the rule we should discuss. 

It is actually possible to be "male" in the sense that male genitalia are present (phenotype) along with the distinct lack of a womb and still have two x chromosomes (thanks to a sex determining region usually present on the Y chromosome but some times found on the x chromosome).  It is also possible to be female despite having XY chromosomes. 

There are also cases in which individuals are born with XXY or XXXY or even XXXXY, however in most cases they will be "male" in the sense of phenotypes. 

It is also possible to have only a single X chromosome, which is the most common cause of Turners syndrome (wikipedia is your friend, to lazy to link). 

Look the point I'm trying to get across here is that even gender defined on the basis of chromosomes is subjective and relative.

Another circumstance which merits consideration is the possibility of inter-sexed individuals. 

Around one in 2000 babies in the western world will features stereotypical of both male and female phenotypes (generally as the result of chromosomal abnormalities, lets not get into that). It is medical convention, that in the case of such children the doctors in collaboration with the family involved will "assign" a gender to the individual, this may involve genital "corrective" surgery, this is rarely medically necessary, but rather for aesthetics. 

What I suppose frustrates me the most about this type of surgery, is not the fact it is conforming to the societal convention of two static genders, but rather that the infant has no ability to agree or disagree. In a society that claims to promote human rights and choice, here we are again, taking away the rights of a legitimate proportion of our population. 

This blog is getting rather long, so I'll leave you with the biology for now and we can discuss the psychology tomorrow. 

Till then, think about how gender affects you, look deep and seek out the oppressive stereotypes imposed on you, and refuse to be pigeon-holed, because you're more than your gender, and you know it.

Signing out,

-Z 

The Happy Ending Conspiracy

Day 9
Firstly, no, I am not talking about this term in the all-too-common internet slang context... google it if you don't know what I'm talking about.


I'm actually talking about the American-dream-white-picket-fence "Happy Ending".  Not to get you all strung out and melancholy, but lets start with some stats, it's about time this blog incorporated a little evidence.


Lets start with some crude rates... (for future reference government stats are a bitch to compile).


Per 1000 people in the Australian population approximately 5 people will get married this year (compared to 8 in 1980). In addition to this, 3 will get divorced, with a mean time spent married of 7 years before separation. Australians are also marrying later, with the mean age being 28-30 years (with women marrying later than men). Only around 54% of the population (over the age of 16) are married.


So what does this tell us? It's tells us that they've forgotten to mention that there's a whole proportion of the population who can't get married at all under Australian law.


With the exception of civil unions and government recognized "domestic partnerships", Queer Australians are being denied the right to this white-picket-fence-white-dress "happy" ending.


Personally, getting married, buying a house, having exactly 2.4 children and a labrador isn't something I see myself doing. But maybe I'd like the choice okay?


To be honest I think the concept of a formulaic perfect relationship with a societally defined happy ending is just another symptom of the oppression and melancholy that stereotypes and prejudice perpetuate in our modern society.


But who has the right to deny an arguable 19% the right to walk down the isle? (yes a study in 2006 found that up to 19% of the Australia population experience some form of same-sex attraction, even if conservative estimates suggest only 2-3% actually identify as homosexual).


Something to lighten mood after that little rant:


3 Reasons Why Same-Sex/Equal Marriage is "Wrong"


- Legalizing Same-Sex marriage will encourage people to be gay, the same way hanging around tall people makes you tall.


-Legalizing Same-Sex marriage will mean more gay people having/adopting children, and gay couples can only raise gay children the same way straight couples only raise straight children.


- Straight couples marriages would come less meaningful if Same-Sex marriage was legalized, the sanctity of Brittany Spears 55-hour-drunk-Vegas marriage would be destroyed!


Hope you're all up in arms,
-Z

The Game

Day Eight:



Hey Kids (and Dougie),

Have you asked your self why it is that we're required to act disinterested in someone we find attractive in order to increase their interest?

Surely it's not only me to whom it has occurred that this poses the ridiculous problem of people who are genuinely disinterested being mistook for the few who are interested.

Its like a game, only all the players have been blindfolded and then asked to perform heart surgery with a shovel.


To quote "He's  Just Not That Into You" (2009)
"Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule..."
Except most of the time, we aren't the exception, we're the rule.
-She didn't come because she doesn't want to see you
-He didn't call because he doesn't want to talk to you
There was no phone with a flat battery, no accidental double-booking, no broken down bus or sick grandmother.

I hate that people have to make these excuses at all, why can't we directly express that we are attracted to someone and would like to get to know them with out the lingering assumption of over-commitment or immediacy?

Just because she doesn't wait 24 hours after you give her your number to call you it doesn't mean she wants to get married and have your children.

Just because he asks you for coffee the day after a one night stand, doesn't mean he's going to introduce you to his parents next.

Maybe she just want to get to know you better, maybe he's scared that he rushed things, maybe you should say yes with out reading into it, with out searching for signs of the game.

I challenge you all to stop playing the game, to be honest about your emotions and break the rules.

This is your heart surgeon with glasses instead of a blindfold,
Signing out.
-Z

Day Three/Seven:


I am going to blame the lack of recent entires decisively on a phenomenon known as "Bush week" ANU's O-week take-2... Lets just say, I'd never had a hangover at 6pm but it turns out that drinking from 10am onward has that effect (though ibuprofen negates it some what, don't try that at home kids). 


Today I want to explore the concept of "dating" vs "Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Girlfriend/Girlfriend, Boyfriend/Boyfriend (and everything in between!)". 
Essentially the transformation of the concept of a "date", a "one night stand", and a modern "relationship". 


Here's what the Oxford dictionary has to say about dating:  
To go out with on a social or romanic appointment or engagement.
 Is that not ridiculously open? 


It sure seems that way, and hey what's wrong with that? For our generation going on "dates" has become a way to express interest in someone commitment free, to get to know someone having already established a mutual attraction and the future possibility of sexual activity.  


Entering into University I've noticed more than ever, that going out with someone, now actually involves really going somewhere, the synonymity between  going out and being Girl Friend and Girl Friend, Boy Friend and Boy Friend has gradually faded into obscurity. 


I sat with friends over drinks recently discussing when it is that seeing someone becomes a relationship, (a word which in self was under definitional debate and eventually agreed upon to mean one couldn't see other people with out expecting some scrutiny).   There was no consensus on this issue, but here's a few suggestions that came up-


The Three Date Rule, with sub clauses 1 and 2.
The rule goes something like this; After 3 mutually agreed upon, planned, dates on separate occasions, in places which can be considered public (take a breath!) those involved should consider themselves involved enough not to go on dates with other people. 
Sub claus one: If sex should precede these three dates (by an amount no more than one month) then the 3 date rule is rendered null and void, because this implies sexually promiscuity. 
Sub claus two: If one or more of the persons involved should drunkenly engage in sexual activity with another person, the three dates must reoccur, with the other person being aware of this activity before the relationship can be considered serious.


Pre-dating as opposed to real dating, again this applies to the first few dates, but in general more so when the person in question wasn't known to you prior to dating, these "pre-dates" give you a chance to sus them out per say.


Discussed monogamy A relationship should only become monogamous when both partners have brought up and discussed the concept before deciding to be reciprocally monogamous. 




Excuse the language that follows....












But who the fuck makes up these rules?!


That is the most ridiculous hypothetically constructed, narrow minded, load of... 


I respect the human need to make rules but in any case, I don't think relationships can be pigeon-holed into neat little categorical stereotypes or guidelines. 
Because in short, love and attraction make about as much sense as taking a flight to Canberra when your destination is London. Asking for socks for Christmas and expecting an iPhone... wearing a T-shirt that says "I thought it was funny" to a memorial service... you get the idea. 


To be honest I'll admit that I have a few rules of my own, but I break them so often that they're more like guidelines anyway. 
In no particular order;
-Never text someone twice when they don't reply (I am the worst over text-er)
-If you hook up with someone in a club, without prior conversation, no matter how hot, don't learn their name, it's like naming puppies, you'll want to keep them and they're not boy friend/ girl friend material. 
-Do not introduce love interests to your family or best friends until you know there's a possibility it might last. 
-Do not talk about your ex's unless they talk about there's and its relevant. 
-If someone gives you there number, and you give them yours, do not text them for at least 24 hours, 48 is better.


That's all that comes to mind, go ahead and judge, but question your own rules, I know you all have them and I want you to think about whether they're necessary in our society, and whether they're holding you back. 


Till next time,
Take risks and keep it real.
-Z


ps. Here's my old notes, worth a read, everything from natural selection in humans to homosexuality in animals. 


http://www.facebook.com/Idburnthiscitydowntoshowyouthelight?v=app_2347471856#!/note.php?note_id=424234910080


http://www.facebook.com/Idburnthiscitydowntoshowyouthelight?v=app_2347471856#!/note.php?note_id=425207940080


http://www.facebook.com/Idburnthiscitydowntoshowyouthelight?v=app_2347471856#!/note.php?note_id=431422375080


http://www.facebook.com/notes.php?id=1150418941#!/note.php?note_id=444278230080


http://www.facebook.com/Idburnthiscitydowntoshowyouthelight?v=app_2347471856#!/note.php?note_id=444278230080

Day Two:

Ok so day 2 begins and I'm going to guesstimate that I've had about 2 hours sleep max... and as of yet no coffee (but hang over free!). So rather than get into the nitty gritty science of love, sex and everything in between I thought I'd talk about me some more (I'm assuming some one out there will get a laugh out of this).

A list of things you probably didn't know about me;

-My first boyfriend is gay

-I once hooked up in a freezer

-I dated a Suicide Girl when I was 16

-I have no appendix

-Too much sugar makes me twitch

-When I'm inebriated I've developed a strange tendency of talking about global warming and Pokemon (often at the same time).

-I sleep in a bunk bed, above my best friend

-I believe love has a biological explanation

-I'm one of the few people who talks less when they're nervous

-I own a stethoscope, its an amazing pick line

-I think glasses are sexy

-I thought about putting full stops at the end of these points... but decided not to, because I can

Till next time kids,

-Z

Day One:

Alright, so even though a variation of this blog has been around for a couple of months now in the form of Facebook notes, I thought I'd start with a little intro I'll also archive the old but relevant FB notes (or link them), so those of you who haven't been readers can play catch-up.


Lets start with names; I have a few.
There's Zara (thats my given name)
I also have a middle name; Jeanne (named for a Jewish refugee from France who my Great Aunt hid during the second world war).
Sir names I'm saving for a time when we know each other better, but lets just say I have two and I'm indecisive as to which I'm keeping or whether I want to change it entirely... to say "Princess Consuela Banana Hammock" (see Friends Season 10 ep.14). Suggests are most welcome.


As this blog is primarily intended to consist of my musings on love, attraction and our changing sex-culture I guess we're going to have to talk about Gender and Sexuality at this point.


If you'd asked me even a year ago I'd have decisively told you I was female, and probably Bisexual.


Lets just say University and life experience is gradually warping my views. Today (but not necessarily tomorrow) I'd say I'm mostly female, which is to say that I have the odd desire to dress as boy and retain yet an affinity for high heels. Essentially gender binaries are something I'm not overly fond over.
In regards to sexual preference its a bit of a grey area. I like sex... and gender isn't always a selling point, so I'm going to go with Pansexual but mostly gay (I tend to meet more hot girls than boys, but maybe I'm just looking in the wrong places right?)


I'm a student, I study Medical Science and one day I want to be a surgeon. Thats not to say I don't also have a soft spot for the Arts, in particular literature. But it is to say, that more science than philosophy will accompany my musings in this blog.


I like to dance, its a way to lose myself, and I can often be found behind a camera lens, photographs are rarely honest but they never lie, it all comes down to perception.


So thats me in synopsis, hope I caught your attention, maybe made you smile, and most of all started you thinking.


This is Z,
Signing out.